Discovering Divinity

My prayer is that one day, my testimony will inspire salvation for another.  My prayer is that I will never be ashamed to proclaim the transgressions of my past, so that everything in my present and my future can be given as glory to the one who saved me.  My prayer is that one day, other young woman who are reaching and yearning to be loved, will find the only love that will ever satisfy them.  That they will...

 discover divinity.

Circling through myself as I knew,

Surpassing any reflection, solitary blinded view
Speeding down a road
that only lead me back to that which was before I began.
No progression... u-turns via countless transgressions.

I was Lost.

Love in me was sought through love for him...

only, him was not the He I was seeking.

The He I needed was unreachable -
Reason being, I'd become unteachable.

Arrogant. Compassion had slipped thru my fingers
like it had never lingered there.

Tarnished was my soul. My snap and my beat.

My good china had been boxed up and put up for sale.
In its place was a generic -

a temporary substitute, easily shattered.

Can't even call it brainwashed - I was Mind-scrubbed.

Not even a glimmer

An eclipse of darkness had left me square betwixt me and myself.


How could there be hope for me in God?

This God of those people, this God of their salvation.
Its a farse. Trickery.
Not never for me.

But yet the issue was not ever me... see, oh no, it was Him. and them.

There must be something wrong in this - I can't relate.

I'll have to dig my own shortcut to heaven's gate.

This book, see I've never read it - but I already don't believe it.

You see.... how could there be hope for me?

But He was convicting

and try as I might at resisting
There came a time where
I couldn't find the same solace
in my shadows.

So I cracked the window.

The slightest space, a miniscule opening
See, that's the thing about light
It just needs a spark, and it floods in
If he could love me, I might find hope again

and He began... to touch... my heart.

And even though this journey's new

and my change is far from through
I'm humbled in forever praise
He will never leave us
my precious savior, His name is Jesus.

Truth be told...

Had a special 'God is Good' moment today. Witnessing the transition that's occured in my spirit while discovering the spiritual truth that lies in salvation. I am nowhere near the end of my journey, but He's brought me a mighty long way, hallelujah.

I'm so glad to have been blessed with words - spoken, sang, written... You name it, I live it. My best life is spent basking in the brilliance of literacy and surviving off my affinity for phonetics - not always in the niche that I would prefer... But hey, we're taking baby step here ;) My process has been well documented as a result of random ramblings (I knew those journals were good for something).

I'm sharing this piece that I wrote a couple years ago while I was exploring different spiritualities... Funny that I never strayed from the truth that lies in Jesus Christ, no matter how hardheaded or 'free spirited' I was.

I'm calling this one - SINical ... Thanks for coming along on the ride :)


Heaven can you hear me?
Open my eyes to all the truths in disguise
Hidden behind the vast masses
Of lies upon lies.

Heaven can you wrap me
In Your concentrated bliss
And guide me to the righteous men
Whom I have seemed to miss?

Cuz heaven I can't see how you can make man
So flawless and yet so disingenuous
I just can't seem to comprehend
How our image is Jesus,
But our minds flood with sin.
Why are we cursed with such pondering minds
When Spiritual truth is all we should seek to find

It's the only thing that really matters.

But I struggle.
With trying to justify the fact that
Grown men are trained to slaughter
In the name of peace
And God our Father...

But I'm the one with issues..... right?







Heaven can you whisper me
the secret
On how to make it?
In this world that is,
And into the next,
Because Lord, my God, I stand perplexed.
And as long as my questions remain unanswered
I feel I'll never get the chance
To answer the questions of another
Evangelistic building blocks
That have thoroughly reached a standstill.

How is it that I can obtain His favor,
heaven fill me in
So the truth can be savored.
The Truth - in it's purest and finest state
To end the constant feud
My soul and mind have constantly negated.

Heaven - I know you hear me,
You're lending your ear.
Dear God - my God,
It must bring you to tears
To see your sons and daughters
Your children in Christ
Be so easily misguided...
The evils of this world have
Enticed us so effortlessly.


God you're here aomewhere.


So I'll continue to search
This disguised utopia which we call Earth
This sinful place from which heaven gave birth.
...but by parental law,
There should be a peace of heaven here,


And it could be in me...


Bout nobody's aware,
Or cares.
Because they can't seem to get past
Their illusions of paradise.

The Block.

It's been a long time... I shouldn't have left you, without a dope beat to step to. ;)

I actually pulled the inspiration for this poem upon re-reading about my lack of inspiration when I started this blog. Ironic, yea?

This one's called Cursed Words.

I lack inspiration.
That euphoric moment of brilliance
That serves as my soul's lifeline -
My anarchy against monotony,
Only comes once in a quasi lifetime.

You see,
I find myself often poised
Pen in hand, room devoid of noise
Waiting for the river of inertia to run its course
For torrents of genius to be put forth
AND THEN....................

..........nothing.

Then all at once I can withstand no more
This hell of complacency
With no urgence for
The truth to escape
The orgasmic soul quiver
My spirits set free
My thoughts delivered
From mind
To fingers
Through the ink
And into the world.

Such a promising notion,
This magical potion...
...but I seem to have misplaced the formula.

So day after motherloving day,
As weeks turn to months,
And months into seasons
No story to tell, no rhyme to reason
Pass the hours
Head home
Take a hit of treason
And rinse... And repeat.

So what to do,
This artist with no avenue
Searching for the perfect storm
Of mind, body, spirit
Torn just enough
To evoke masterpiece potential.

So I begin to let my meditations go wandering
The blank page calling
It's lines staring dauntingly.
Calling to be filled
Yearning to be enlightened
Taunting me
Teasing me
Seducing me
Fighting me.

Like a mathematician who can't sort the numbers
Or a lightening bolt who can't hear it's thunder
Is this massive anville
I can't seem to escape from under.

So I take form back to elementary days
Brainstorming, outlining
The institutional way.
Feels as though I was out sick the day
The lesson was taught on creativity.

So I begin to model my mind's sequences
In my favorite way -
Unconventional frequencies.
My muses drift closer and closer to surface
To try and spring forth that second of purpose.

AND THEN as if it had surged imminently
My language finds dwelling
My redeemers ministry
The words scream so loud,
they'd been so suppressed
They twist and they spin,
Revealed and undressed
Finality! The delicious feat...
The poet's supreme splendor -
Simply - complete.

Lord, My Love.

I've wanted to pour out my feelings on this topic for awhile - but if you know me, you know that sidetracked is my middle name.


My question of the day - How can one not believe in God as they sit in the midst of his immaculate creation?

If one looks into the science of the universe, for example, and then considers the fact that "In the beginning, God created the heavens and the Earth". Isn't that enough alone to blow your mind??? The facts of science are on a constant mission to unravel God's work - and the fact that he created everything in such a perfect balance is awe inspiring. My God is a scientist, a painter, a poet, a geologist, an engineer, and so many other things that cannot be put into words - MY GOD IS GREAT. My battle with understanding my spirituality is going to be a long road - a road that I am more than willing to explore... to break free of the only mold I know - But I know on the other side there will be something wonderful, something pure - something HEAVENLY.


Religion - The basis of religion is a beautiful thing. People coming together as a collective whole to worship, praise, admire, and thank the Lord. Despite your religion, if its centered on the creator (whatever name you might choose to call him - I call him God, but somehow I don't think he's concerned with semantics). From my general knowledge, (I'm still in the process of learning, so excuse my ignorance if that's what it appears to be) the basis of most religions teaches the golden rule - do unto others as you would have them do unto you, which lends itself to the most important rule of all - GOD IS LOVE.

Now... understanding that God is love, where do the other parts come in? Where does the fear become instilled? What about the judgement that humans use, in the name of God? Where do the walls come crumbling down because one person is a "better Christian" than another? Jesus gave his life for ours - he showed his love in the ultimate way... shouldn't that be all that matters? Why do the details have to influence the way we live and think and ACT - shouldn't LOVE be the guiding force in everything we do... shouldn't that alone be enough to keep us in line? Not for the fear of hell, not for the fear of karma - but simply for the Love of God.


Think about it - if you approached EVERY situation in your life with love the way that Jesus did, wouldn't your actions, words... even your THOUGHTS be affected? I believe this to be the journey that God wanted for us. Ponder that for the day, friends.

Random Music Knowledge

Get ready... it's about to be dropped.




So this morning, on my way to work, I was listening to Stevie Wonder's radio show (it's pretty amazing, if you didn't know). If you know me well, you know that I think Stevie Wonder is the master of all things musical, so anything he touches is gold.






Anyway, He was telling his co-hosts about the song "All I do... (is think about you)", and he mentioned that John Travolta recorded the original background vocals for the track.

---Ponder that for a moment---

Now, I don't know about you, but that threw me for a definite loop. It's amazing how music and hollywood intertwine without interference from the rest of the world. ART IS ART PEOPLE!

Unfortunately, that version was never released (if anyone knows where I could find that, I'd be forever greatful).

However, he did reveal who ended up doing the final background vocals for the track, and among others (including Eddie Levert), the backup vocalist on the track is none other than.....

MICHAEL.

Learn somethin new everyday, huh? :)

where to go from here...

i lack inspiration.

i wonder if thats always been my problem. well, not always, there was definitely a time for me where i could sit and write for hours. Masterpieces almost, without even a pause to consider what was flowing from my mind to my hands through the ink and into the world. There was a time where I could spend hours delving into my deepest creative crevices and could rip open every thought that came into my conscious. As soon as it was imagined, it was made into reality by the simple words that formed together to create the complexities of my soul.

I can't do that anymore.

I sit... and I begin to begin, and nothing. And when something DOES flow (even now) I doubt it. I read it back and question myself whether or not it even makes sense. Whether I'm just rambling, or if anyone else could comprehend it. I used to create... creations that touched people. Creations that moved, and were alive. I wish I knew where those went... and why I can no longer locate the same emotions, the same cravings, the same INSPIRATION that lived within me.

Where do I even begin the search...